Friday, December 11, 2009

Martha

While walking through Target the other day, I passed through the Christmas candy aisle.
That was my first mistake. I should've just grabbed the ornament I needed and headed to the registers.

Instead, I had a weak moment and picked up a bag of Dove dark chocolate.
I haven't been much of a chocolate eater since being pregnant, so I don't really know what came over me.
Regardless, I didn't fight the urge and purchased the chocolate.

I get home and bust open a piece. Mmm!

Then, I read the wrapper, which is usually one of my favorite things about Dove chocolates.

Not this time.

It said, "Use a damask runner to create an elegant table setting. -Martha Stewart"

What?!

So I look at the bag. It says, "Martha Stewart's Very Own Holiday Tips On Every Wrapper".
What a rip-off!
I don't want her overachieving, over-the-top, unobtainable, decorating and cooking propaganda on my chocolate wrappers!

I open another one.

"Roll ice cream scoops in coconut for snowman-inspired treats. -Martha Stewart"
Oh, please.

And another one.

"A Christmas open house is a relaxing way to entertain. -Martha Stewart"
Relaxing? Going to the spa is relaxing...not hosting an open house.

I should've stopped there, but I couldn't.
I opened another.

"Try roast goose instead of turkey for an old-world menu. -Martha Stewart"
(Rolls eyes)

“Cut marshmallows into shapes to serve in hot cocoa. -Martha Stewart"
Yep. I'll get right on that.


Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Christmas.
But, I will not be having a Martha Stewart Christmas...or any resemblance of it.

I'm enjoying my low-key, budget friendly holiday season.
We're focusing on the birth of our Savior and spending time with our family and friends.
That's how WE roll.

She can keep her reindeer.



Maybe I should write my own holiday tips!

"Swiss Miss hot chocolate tastes good."
"Last year's Christmas decor is just as pretty this year."

Alright, this concludes my Martha Stewart Christmas rant.
Now, I need to come down off my sugar high. :)

10 comments:

katie said...

mel, you make me laugh out loud. you are so funny! and I totally agree with you!

Danielle said...

haha...that was amazing. well done. and i completely agree with you too.:)

Katharine said...

LOL!

BoyDena Smiley said...

thanks for the laugh friend... you rock!

Mandy said...

HILARIOUS :)

paulandchrissy said...

You are so funny!
I would like to add, making gingerbread houses is totally overrated.

Jill Dupras said...

jeff just said, "what are you laughing at?" oh, just melissa's blog - very funny

Jill Dupras said...

jeff just asked "what are you laughing at?" oh, just melissa's blog - too funny

shauna said...

i was crying when i read this post. please come to denver.

Meredith said...

Gurl...you know what??? I got those same Doves and was also HORRIFIED by Martha's tips. NOT a good thing, Martha. Nooooo. I tried not to let it ruin my dark chocolate experience. Let's make our own tips!