Tuesday, October 9, 2012

This is hard.

It happened.
Our first, "I don't think I can do this" moment.

We have a 7, almost 8, month old little guy with us.
Respite care, with the possibility of a placement.
He's been with us a total of 7 nights so far.

Our days are pretty good.
He's seriously one of the cutest kids I've ever seen.
He smiles, giggles, and army crawls all over the place.

But the nights...
"Hard" doesn't even start to describe it.

Nights when he's up 3 times is considered a good night.
He was up 7 times Saturday night.

This is not a new thing for him.
This has been going on since he was born heavily drug exposed.

Last night was the hardest.
He went to sleep, then woke up 30 minutes later.
Inconsolable crying. 
We. tried. everything.

I've never felt that degree of helplessness/failure/discouragement/frustration before.
Exactly 1 hour later, he finally fell asleep.
He was up 3 more times, waking for the day at 5:30.
And Alice was up twice.
Not fun, my friends.

I found myself praying that God has a better family for him than us.
I'm not quite back to the "Lord, if he's supposed to be with us, please make that happen." prayer,
but I know I'll get there soon.
Typing that was hard.

So, that's my little update.
This is really hard.

I'm thankful God's mercies are new each day.
I'm also thankful for coffee.

Friends and Fam, if we don't respond to texts, calls, emails or seem short when we do,
this is why.
Please be gracious to us in our severe sleep deprived state.

PS- Let it be known that I am certain his prior foster family are saints.
We've been dealing with this for 7 nights.
They did it for 7 months.
Saints!

7 comments:

Cathy V said...

oh man. those are tough nights. hang in there. my sis-in-law said something great to me. she said with the 2nd kid, it's so much easier to realize that everything is a phase. it could be a long phase, but it's just a phase.
hurray for coffee!!!
-cathy

p.s. don't forget about teething. he's right at that age. (i know alice was so much later)

Katie K. said...

Oh mel, you are a saint too, not just the previous foster family. You are being the hands and feet of God and that is beyond TOUGH work. Take a breath my dear and maybe even a break if you need it too. Boundaries are important and necessary for healthiness.

Let me know if I can do something to help.

Carey said...

Ditto on Katie...

I was reading my Bible today and you stood out as an example of what they are talking about in 2 Cor 3: Vs 2 starts it, "the only letter of recommendation we need is you yourselves. Your lives are a letter written in our hearts; everyone can read it and recognize our good work among you.

Clearly you are a letter from Christ

showing the result of our ministry among you. This "letter" is not written with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God.

It is carved not on tablets of stone, but on human hearts..."

You and Ben are the letter from Christ, showing his love...Especially in these times when it is so hard. I love you friend!

adwellingplacewithin said...

Thinking of you. Praying for sleep!

Justin and Victoria Nelson said...

Thinking about, praying for, and holding you all close. Love you lots my friend.
We know the difficulty of sleep deprivation. It really affects your day-to-day functioning. My prayer for you is for sleep and restoration.

Jacci said...

Praying tonight :)

Blomgrens said...

I'm praying for you guys too. Adoption and fostercare are so hard. We've had (and continue to have) many nights of screaming from our little girl. I understand.